Hello my lovelies! It’s been a hot minute since I’ve written anything here, and I guess that’s because I’ve stopped seeking monetizement and really just update here when I’m inspired to. I hope you all don’t mind but for the time being and maybe one day I’ll come back to blogging three times a week but with my schedule and just life in general between youtube, here, school, relationship… I’m stretched a bit too thin.
However, today I wanted to come on here to talk about a fwe things I’ve learned after dating my boyfriend Manny for a year. We recently celebrated our anniversary a few weeks ago and it lead to a lot of reflection and gratitude. For some people a year isn’t much and for others it’s a lifetime. For me? Its a solid chunk of time to be with someone and learn some things and so here’s a few that I’ve learned:
1. Talk about the BIG STUFF, small stuff & things in between
I’m not one for small talk, but especially when it comes to someone I’m interested in I want to dig a bit deeper and see if our core values connect in some way or another. I’m not looking for a carbon copy, but I don’t waste my time or energy and I’d rather see if we’re aligned on a deeper level than just date someone because I find them attractive or entertaining. Of course, you can take your time with it. But if you’re already arguing pretty regularly in the beginning stages I’d say have a chat, see what you value in a relationship and in life. If you can’t come to agreement on your relationship how can you expect to be able to decide long term decisions. This is of course just for those who want a long term relationship.
But also remember to just get to know each other on a lighter level .What’s their favorite color, birthday, favorite movie? Little stuff add up to big stuff too. Don’t forget that your partner is also your friend, in a lot of cases even yoru best friend! So treat them with the same interest and respect. Make out sessions are great, but so is a wonderful conversation!
2. Find what feels right
What I mean by this is, don’t follow any “rules” you think you’re suppose to follow like sex this many times a week, date night that many times a month. Find a balance that works for YOU and your SO. Don’t listen to any outside sources on what is “normal” and not “normal”. For some people moving in after a year is too fast, for others it’s just enough time. Nobody’s life choices should determine your own.
3. Compromise, Sacrifice, Listen
I can’t tell you how important these three are. These three aspects are what make up a relationship’s core. Are you able to effectivey communicate, come up with solutions to your issues and listen with an open mind and heart? You and your partner are two completley seperate entities, who have two different value and belief systems. Yes, you want the big stuff to align, but you can’t agree on EVERYTHING. Having the ability to settle disagreements and remain respectful and honest isn’t an easy skillset. It takes work and intention to really be open and be honest. Don’t take what your partner says too personally, a lot of the time it isn’t about YOU, but THEM. I definitely have this problem, but once again opening up, communicating and staying honest is key.
Sacrifice is also crucial. It shouldn’t be a huge take and take and take on any one end, but a constant ebb and flow. However, a tlly system shouldn’t be kept either. You shouldn’t notice who is sacrificing when and or rub it in your partners face. If you feel like you’re being taken advantage of definitely speak up. Don’t let anyone walk all over you, but don’t expect things to always go your way or lean in your direction. Remember, it’s a TEAM effort. Both parties need to be willing to give in sometimes for the greater good of the TWO. Manny has gigs and work sometimes, and that means sacrificing a night we could have done something else to let him do his thing. I COULD demand his time because we don’t see each other during the week. But one day won’t kill us in a lifetime so I let it go. It sucks. But sometimes the right thing to do doesn’t feel like it at times.
Never invalidate your feelings or anyone else’s.
4. Have FUN
I know this seems self-explanatory but I find that most often a lot of couples forget to have fun! They fall into the routine and that’s how the fire dies. What did you guys do during the beginning of your relationship? What brings back that spark?? Do something spontaneous, try something new! You never know what can become an addition into your daily lives that you would never have guessed.
Manny and I enjoy cuddling up in bed with a Netflix flick, but we make an effort to either eat some place new or go out for dinner at least twice a month and we found out we both love hiking (like 8 months in if you can believe it) and we include hiking trails as a regular date idea.
Traditions are great, but don’t leave out the possibility of something great on the horizon either!
5. Look for what you love
So often in relationships we come to a point where we feel like our partner just keeps doing the “wrong” thing. They didn’t put the dishes away, they left their underwear on the floor, they said something hurtful. One thing after another and it builds into this avalanche of “WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?”. Start looking for what you love. It’s part of the law of attraction, and essentially the idea is that stop looking for him or her to mess up and look at what they did right. Look at the small moments we often take for granted like that secret smile, the cookie, the back rub. Appreciate what you have and that gratitude will lead to more lovely experiences. If you nag about every little thing your partner will feel rather useless and troublesome and the harmony is out of whack. We all have our off days, but in the grand scheme of things will that underwear be the end all be all?
I hope you all enjoyed and leave a comment down below on your advice for a long term relationship!
Until next time